Blog End User License Agreement

Eftersom det snart krävs en licens för att inneha en blog, så att man inte förorenar cyberrymden så … har jag satt ihop en EULA. Använd den hur ni vill, så länge den kommer före er blogpost (eller åfinns på en egen sida). Kom ihåg var ni hittade den – brott mot denna EULA kan få allvarliga följder …

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WEBLOG, HENCEFORTH REFERRED TO AS ”BLOG”, END USER LICENSE AGREEMENT

BY READING, COPYING, LAUGHING; CRYING, OR OTHERWISE REACTING ON THE CONTENTS IN THIS BLOG, YOU AGREE TO BE BOUND BY THE TERMS OF THIS AGREEMENT, AS RATIFIED BY THE EUROPEAN UNIONS CULTURE- AND EDUCATIONAL COMMITTEE. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO THE TERMS OF THIS AGREEMENT, YOU ARE NOT PERMITTED TO CONTINUE USING A COMPUTER. IF YOU REJECT THE TERMS OF THIS AGREEMENT WITHIN THIRTY (30) SECONDS AFTER READING THE FIRST LINE OF THIS END USER LICENSE AGREEMENT, YOU MAY REQUEST ARMED POLICE OFFICERS TO TERMINATE THE AUTHOR OF THIS BLOG.

This blog, and any text, video, radio transmission or other media, including ”commentaries” or traditional mail, that are delivered to you by [ BLOG NAME ] (via on-line transmission or otherwise) to amuse, inform or otherwise modify your current belief in this so called life of you, you pitiful human beeing (Tak!), as well as any materials and any on-line or electronic documentation, and any and all copies and derivative works of such mentioned materials and blog material is the work of a complete fool or a revolutionary (collectively referred to herein as ”rebels”). Any and all uses of the blog are governed by the terms of this End User License Agreement (”License Agreement”, ”Agreement” or ”what kinda fucking mumbo jumbo is this shait!?”). The blog may only be read by obtaining from [Authority Answering To Registering And Filing Blog Affirmations] access to this blog, which is subject to a separate Terms of Use agreement (the ”Terms of Use”). If your reading or rereading of the blog included a period of ”surfing the net” or ”Stumble Upon” or other means of non-targeted visitation rights to this blog, the Terms of Use agreement also governs your access to the blog during the period of reading it, according to the terms of the License Agreement. Any use, reproduction, modification or distribution of the blog not expressly authorized by the terms of the License Agreement is expressly prohibited and _will be enforced_.

1. Grant of a Limited Use License. If you agree to this License Agreement, government sanctioned computer software (hereafter referred to as the ”Eye”) will be installed onto your hardware. If your hardware meets the minimum requirements of the ”Eye”, the continued rading of this blog will enable you to read the blog by means of nature. Subject to your agreement to and continuing compliance with this License Agreement, [Authority Answering To Registering And Filing Blog Affirmations]hereby grants, and you hereby accept, a limited, non-exclusive license to (a) read the blog on one or more computers owned by you or under your legitimate control, and (b) use the reading of this blog in conjunction with the Service for your non-commercial entertainment purposes only. All use of the blog is subject to this License Agreement and to the Terms of Use agreement, both of which you must accept before you can use your eyes to read this blog.

2. Service and Terms of Use. As mentioned above, you must accept the Terms of Use in order to access this blog. The Terms of Use agreement governs all aspects of you reading this blog. You may view the Terms of Use by visiting the following address: [This address has been deleted as it contains data harmful to your safety and security]. If you do not agree with the Terms of Use, then (a) you may not read this blog, and (b) you may call the Authorities within thirty (30) days after the browser finished loading this blog to request an armed officer response directed at the author of this blog. Once you accept the License Agreement and the Terms of Use, you will no longer be eligible for a passport, education, working permit or other services rendered by your native or non native country. Make no mistake, we will hunt you down.

3. You may permanently transfer all of your civil rights and obligations to the State by physically transferring the original media (e.g., the computer or blog author), all original body parts, and all material or other documentation distributed with the blog, the blog author, his family and friends (especially any or all sportscars or fine wines … but not the Bourdeux, We don’t like Bourdeaux); provided, however, that you permanently delete all copies of this blog in your possession or control, and that the State agrees to reimburse anyand all costs you may have accumulated during the blog author and its surrounding neighbourhoods deletion. The transferor (i.e., you), and not the State, agrees to be solely responsible for any taxes, fees, charges, duties, withholdings, assessments, criminal or civil legal or illegal activites and the like, together with any interest, penalties, casualties and injuries done to you during the blog author deactivation and termination process.

4. Responsibilities of End User, you the Reader.

A. Subject to the license granted hereunder, you may not, in whole or in part, copy, photocopy, reproduce, translate, alter, derive new information from, modify, or create derivative works based on the blog contents, or remove anything from your computer the RIAA, IFPI or any other authority may need to gain access to your home, mind and life. Failure to comply with the restrictions and limitations contained in this Section 4 shall result in the immediate, automatic termination of you and may subject you to civil and/or criminal liability.

B. You agree that you shall not, under any circumstances,

(i) believe anything you read in this blog;

(ii) exploit the contents of this blog in such a way it may harm the State, the European Union or the United States of Americas National Security Agency or likewise national security organistion (execpt SÄPO, they’re stupid).

(iii) host, provide or emulate or redirect the contents of this blog in any way, or

(iv) facilitate, create or maintain any unauthorized connection – official or private – to the blog author. All connections to the blog author and/or his/hers family, friends or ”net buddies” (i.e – other bloggers in his/hers blogroll), whether created by accident or meanful direct action (”clicking a link”) may only be made through methods and means expressly approved by the State. Under no circumstances may you connect, or interface in any way with the blog author, that allow you or others to a) have a goos time in real life, b) fall in love, c) make any other actions than lethal use of force towards the blog author. The State is your friend. Not the blog author. You will be rewarded.

5. Termination. This License Agreement is effective until terminated. You may terminate the License Agreement at any time by (i) permanently destroying the blog authors home or workplace; (ii) removing the blog author from the world; and (iii) notifying the State of your intention to terminate the blog author. The State may terminate this Agreement at any time for any reason or no reason, especially if you have a bad haircut or feels like a ”communist” or ”gay” (i.e – pervert). In such event, you must immediately and permanently reimburse the State for possible funeral costs. Upon termination of this Agreement for any reason, all licenses granted herein shall immediately terminate. As well as you.

6. Limitation of Liability, Indemnity. NEITHER THE STATE NOR ITS SUBSIDIARIES OR AFFILIATES SHALL BE LIABLE IN ANY WAY FOR ANY LOSS OR DAMAGE OF ANY KIND ARISING OUT OF THE READING OR ANY OTHER USE OF THE BLOG, INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION LOSS OF DATA, LOSS OF GOODWILL, WORK STOPPAGE, COMPUTER FAILURE OR MALFUNCTION, LOSS OF SANITY, LOSS OF LIFE, LOVE OR BELIEF IN THE STATES TOTAL CONTROL OR ANY AND ALL OTHER DAMAGES OR LOSSES. FURTHER, NEITHER THE STATE NOR ITS SUBSIDIARIES OR AFFILIATES SHALL BE LIABLE IN ANY WAY FOR ANY LOSS OR DAMAGE TO YOUR LIFE, LIMB OR SANITY. THE STATE SHALL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INTERRUPTIONS OF SERVICE, INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION ISP DISRUPTIONS, SOFTWARE OR HARDWARE FAILURES, OR ANY OTHER EVENT WHICH MAY RESULT IN A LOSS OF DATA OR DISRUPTION OF READING THIS BLOG. IN NO EVENT WILL THE STATE BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR ANY INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, EXEMPLARY OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES TO LIFE, LIMB OR SANITY.

7. Equitable Remedies. You hereby agree that the State would be irreparably damaged if the terms of this License Agreement were not specifically enforced, and therefore you agree that the State shall be entitled, without bond, other security, or proof of damages, to appropriate equitable remedies with respect to breaches of this License Agreement, in addition to such other remedies as the State otherwise have available to it under applicable laws, such as use of force to rectify your belief in non-sanctioned vocabulary such as ”human rights” or ”freedom of speech”. In the event any litigation is brought by either party in connection with this License Agreement, the prevailing party in such litigation shall be entitled to recover from the other party all the costs, attorneys’ fees and other expenses incurred by such prevailing party in the litigation. The State will always be right.

8. Changes to the Agreement. the State reserves the right, at its sole discretion, to change, modify, add to, supplement or delete any of the terms and conditions of this License Agreement when the States upgrades its ideology or territory, effective upon prior notice as follows: the State will post notification of any such changes to this License Agreement on a billboard in the basement of [this information is harmful] and will post the revised version of this License Agreement in this location, and may provide such other notice as the State may elect in its sole discretion. If any future changes to this License Agreement are unacceptable to you or cause you to no longer be in compliance with this License Agreement, you may terminate yourself right now.

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7 thoughts on “Blog End User License Agreement

  1. Ajsing bajsing, lilla katt …

    Man ska alltid läsa EULA.

    Det är därför jag ligger flera år efter i datorspel, för jag läser fortfarande EULA:s …

  2. Begriper inte vad det är som får mig att njuta så våldsamt av ironi. Min inbyggda elakhet kanske. Skit samma, detta är dagens stora behållning! Tack!

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